Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Outsourcing My Outsourcing

By all normal accounts in life, my first week was a disaster... and I've decided to outsource this part of my life.  I figured that I should practice my management skills... trust... delegate... and verify.    Essentially this means that I'm outsourcing my outsourcing.  As it was pointed out to me, isn't internet dating already an outsourcing maneauver?  I suppose it is.  Can't blame a girl for trying.

For an update on the first week... take a look at the following conversation with my friend... and yes... I do somewhat judge myself.

Amy: I’m already over the eHarmony thing [it's only been a week], too much pressure, too many things to do. didn't realize would be so much work

Friend: what? Why???? what kind of work is it?

Amy: you have to read profiles, answer stupid questions, vet guys, be rejected by guys, too much for me sometimes, and there are 10 guys a day, alas… story of my life

Friend: yeah, but I’m sure you knew you'd have to be discerning before you joined... and likely if they're rejecting you, you would be GLAD they are. 10 a day seems like a lot though. do you HAVE to do that? seems like they'd realize other people have jobs and an actual LIFE

Amy: otherwise.. they pile up, and then you can't find crap. drama

Friend: ha ha

Amy: here is how my first week went. filled out questionnaire, get my personality assessment - disagree with 2/3's of it

Friend: I can't wait to see what the results were!

Amy: got matches immediately

Friend: well that's good, I guess

Amy: one of the matches asked me questions with multiple choices. my life and my ideas don't fit into multiple choices

Friend: what? weird. like are you a girl yes/no?

Amy: everything is a grey area... questions like... where is your ideal vacation: A- Hawaii, B - Paris, C- Hiking D - something stupid. I mean really... how am I supposed to answer that?

Friend: oh man. those are SOOOO hard to answer. e - none of the above. I want to do a Mediterranean cruise. which one do I pick?

Amy: I said... E - Egypt... and taking a river boat cruise from Luxor to Cairo, then going on a safari and scuba diving in the red sea


Amy: so they get to ask like five of these stupid questions. like... how much time do you like to spend with your partner... A- work is enough alone time for me (BARF), etc

Amy: I mean who can answer that. it all depends on my mood

Friend: your response should be: are you a A- tool B-dumbass C- unoriginal doofus D- all of the above

Amy: if people are pissing me off all week... then I may want to drink alone

Amy: the problem is... the guys don't write these questions, eHarmony does

Friend: are you serious?

Amy: then... another guy sent me a set of questions. all girly like. like what is the most romantic date?

Friend: I thought the site was supposed to be all scientific... they're basing it on crap like this???

Amy: and bullshit like that

Friend: so if you both pick Paris, you're set for life?

Amy: I didn't answer any of them because he didn't seem to have any balls

Friend: wow, apparently my expectations were way off

Friend: ha ha ha

Amy: alas... this is too much work for me

Friend: agreed

Amy: I mean.. really, what am I supposed to do with this crap?

Friend: write blog posts about it [hence one of the primary reasons I signed up for eHarmony in the first place]

Friend: seriously though, can you just decline until you get someone normal? or do you have to accept a certain #/month or whatever?

Amy: I have no idea, I don't have the energy to find out

Amy: another thing is... what is your favorite thing to do on the weekend. I don't know. I need more specifics

Friend: no kidding

Amy: I feel like Matt Damon in that movie... where he is asked how old someone is if they were born in a certain year he's like month, time zone, time, etc because it makes a difference

Friend: and is it winter or summer? cause if I have to be indoors, I’ll change my favorites. ha ha ha

Amy: or... what kind of week did I have, is there a fun festival??

Friend: exactly

Amy: do I want to join a snowball fight? rent a beach house? fly kites? so by the end of being asked innocuous questions, I am angry and frustrated

Friend: ha ha ha

Amy: clearly this isn't going to work out. and then... when I'm angry and frustrated... would I really want to date the guy that finds those answers palatable? I don't think so…. and I'm breathing again

Friend: that's hilarious that it's getting you this worked up

Amy: but seriously, I was gone all last week, only to discover I'd been rejected by 60 guys upon my return... had to answer questions for another 15, and not response from the others

Amy: I mean... can I outsource this?

Friend: apparently this isn't the right time for this... YES [you can outsource]

Amy: I am learning how to delegate


Amy: do you want to pick the guys for me? I would totally outsource this to you


Amy: you're my hero

Friend: and I’m soooo going to say your ideal vacation is sitting under the stairs eating fast food

Amy: you can also ask people multiple choice


Amy: oh sweet lord! what have I gotten myself into?

Friend: I’m going to ask them to choose their preferred method of birth control

Amy: I can only imagine what type of person I’ll end up with

Friend: I CAN"T WAIT

Amy: on second thought... maybe I should outsource to your hubby

Friend: but my answers will be more fun!

Amy: maybe I should diversify... get on match or the other stuff too actually... I’ll outsource both to you

Friend: there ya go! diversify! and let me answer q's for you!

Amy: consider it done. I’ll send you my profile. it is full of crap. maybe I’m full of crap. who knows


Amy: probably… also don't have any good pictures and I was way too lazy to try and find some

Friend: yes! you are a crazy neurotic shutin who hates people, things, and ideas.

Amy: probably also a problem… you said it... not me

Friend: SOOO FUN

Amy: I’m glad you're enjoying this... because I am not... but I said I’d give it a whirl for six months and I will


Friend: how do you feel about dates in basements filled with cats? what if you have to bring your own Doritos? does it make it better if gramma promises to wear a muumuu for at least 80% of the time you're there?

Amy: I trust you but not sure that I should and PS - YOU'RE NOT FUNNY


Amy: or at least not as funny as you think you arte

Friend: I’m cracking myself up over here, and that's all that matters

Amy: and... they must like dogs not like in that weird creepy movie way tho… but for real

Amy: I often think that I am a lot like a dog sometimes.

Friend: ummm maybe you shouldn't put that part in your profile

Amy: I get excited when people come to my house. I am adventurous and like to try new things. I like to run around all day and then nap. I like beer (ok... not really a dog thing but a my dog thing). when I don't feel well I like to cuddle otherwise... hands off. I am easily bored and need other humans to entertain me. I don't mind taking care of others. I am a really loyal and protective friend. another thing... I like to lead and hate to follow … see just like a dog

Friend: ha

Amy: you're right... probably shouldn't put that into my profile... but you see where I'm going with this… I think I even creeped myself out there… see what this crap is doing to my brain!

Friend: yep! I’m taking notes for your profile

Amy: this ought to be good

Amy: here is another question... when do I, in full disclosure and in the spirit of transparency, let others know that you did this and not me

Friend: I’ll have to look at this site... either I will do it in the profile/in the questions, or you can do it on the first date if it's going well

Friend: maybe whenever you get a chance, send me an email on what towns are within appropriate geography range... cause I’ll forget and keep asking you

Amy: it is a mile range I think I put 50 miles, but the reality of it is... if they are not coming into DC then it isn't going to happen. even Virginia is a little farfetched (and that is where most of my mate probably live)

Friend: ok good to know... I’ll have to sign in and look around the site this weekend and see what all is there... I’ll likely have questions for you after I do that

Amy: I trust you completely. besides, I know that someone else will have better luck managing my life than I do. I wonder if I'm approaching this more like a guy does and that is why I don't have faith in it working… then I judge because people are like “I work too much” and “work is my life”

Amy: I would never say that... but I work a lot and I go to school a lot... hardly my life because there are so many other things I enjoy doing... like trying to find the best Italian sub in DC

Friend: yeah that's what will take me some time to figure out - how to represent that work/school are your focus right now, but this is a limited period in your life

Amy: I hope you have better luck that I do at this.

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