Saturday, March 7, 2009

Airports for Dummies

I am sitting in the airport... people watching like you're supposed to and - see this woman. A woman who wore at least four inch stilettos with rhinestones (the kind of shoes a normal woman would only wear to a black tie event and even in that situation a normal person would complain that they hurt) and pants so tight I could see her cellutie and muffin top. And then the shirt... There are now words, she made my boobs look small. Her shirt was so tight, there was no one wear for the breasts to go but up and out. This was certainly a vision before noon, and not a pleasant one at that.

Just to set the record straight, I am a proponent of not wearing your pajamas on a plane (more on this later) and I think you should look presentable, but she went to far. She looks like a street walker stalking children on their way to Disney World.

On the other extreme there are the families who only travel on an airplane once a decade, since before e-tickets and when you had to wait for a ticket agent to check in.. I think these people may annoy me even more. First of all, they don't understand how to check-in! It is simple, you see an open kiosk, you swipe your credit card, you hit some buttons and viola! You're checked in. The line always backs up behind them, they don't know how a touch screen computer works and they don't move out of the way so other people can check in.

Then they get into the security line. I think every person knows by now to put your liquids in a bag, to take your computer out, and of course no shoes! Well even if you don't know this, they friendly people at TSA will politely remind you. I think they should have security lines for different groups - professional travelers (I'd put myself in this category), moderate travelers who have some carry ons, but they are not 100 percent organized, and lastly families with children. I saw an airport like this before, I think it was either LAX, Denver, or Minneapolis. Regardless of where it was, it was glorious. Separate security lines should be mandatory!

They of course these people must put their carry ons up top. To anyone who doesn't travel a lot let me give you these tips - do not, under any circumstances take someone elses bag (it is probably there first because they have more points on airline) take it out, put yours in and then shove / crunch it in so that everything fits. This is not nice, it only makes people mad. Second - use the place under the seat for small things, if you put your purse or man bag up top, I judge you. Don't do it. Those of us with roller bags actually need that space. Three- if you have a roller bag, be nice, insert it sideways and not horizontally. You can get so many more in if you place it the right way. Four - if you are the last one on the plane because you were going to the bathroom. Don't waste my time by walking up and down the aisles opening and SLAMMING every overhead bin. Just let the flight attendant take your bag, you're going to have to check
it anyway. Think of it as a bonus, free checking, you just saved $15.

They're closing the doors, I'm signing off.

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