Monday, February 22, 2010

Mission: Why I don't date

Apparently my blog posting last week (the one where I described how I was allergic to dating) has inspired a great debate... okay... not a great debate, more like grief from my friends.  Therefore, I feel the need to explain myself a little bit more.

Reason #1 - My purpose of being in DC

My purpose of uprooting my life and moving to DC was not to date.  It was to gain work experience in DC and (wait for it) go to school.  Both of these activities take up a large portion of my time.  And (to be honest) when I am not at work or at school, I am thinking about the work that I have to do for work or for school. This does not make good companion.  It makes for a stressed out companion who cannot sit still and has to be doing 20 things at once and whose dog hates her (Rockne has been giving me the evil eye all week).

Reason #2 - I like being selfish

I am not going to lie, I enjoy doing what I want when I want to.  For the first time in a while, I have the luxury to do this (alas... not too much luxury because of the time I spend working and going to school... but the time is mine).  I enjoy spending time with my friends (not spending time with a boyfriends roommate and his roommates' stoner friends who would get arrested occasionally on the weekend... not my idea of fun). I enjoy knowing that if I am exhausted, I can go to bed at 9pm on a Friday and not feel guilty.  Likewise, if I have a bad day, then I enjoy just talking to my dog about it and not have someone say... "Well, did anyone die?"  Sometimes I have a bad day, need to get something off my chest by don't need to be judged because of it.

Reason #3 - Fear of losing my balance

This is not fear of falling per se, but it is fear that if I put one more thing onto my plate, the delicate balance in life will topple (and we all know that I don't have a lot of grace, so this will likely happen).  People (unless they are as busy as me) don't understand that I am not joking when I say... hmmm, I can do lunch this day, but dinner is a no-go for a week.  I am honestly not blowing people off, I am just busy.

Reason #4 - Failing at my mission of moving to DC.

We've all been there, you start dating and you want to spend all of your time with that person.  In doing so, you often neglect the other areas of your life (for me this means school, work, and friends).  I hate being that "girl-friend" to people... that friend that people only hang out with when they are not dating someone.  This has caused me to "break-up" with a few friends because of it.

Reason #5 - I enjoy football and beer

Hard as it is to imagine, a large majority of men in DC don't love those two things.  I love football and beer so much, that my living room is set up to watch football games on my 50 inch hi-def TV. 

My reasons (I feel at least) are very valid.  Yet the comments I get back from my friends generally poke holes in my reasons.  For this... I offer the following concessions.

Concession #1 - I don't give up

I said I would consider dating, so I will (despite my allergic reaction).  I am a "competitive person" and don't give up easily because I like to win.  I promised a few people, I would date... so I will. 

Concession #2 - No clingers

I think my allergy was set off by someone who was clingy.  I am not a clingy person.  I am an independent person, so if a guy acts like a puppy dog, I have no qualms about giving him the brush-off.  I already have a dog, I don't need another.  Besides, what makes me fun (i think... but you can disagree) is how I like to organize things and be social, and try new things... clingers just hold me back.

Concession #3 - The "Set-Up"

I have five people who have said... "Amy, there is a perfect person for you... would you consider."  My standard response is no.  But if my good friends who know (and love me and my charms) think someone is good, the why not give it a try.  Only thing I have to lose is a night... right?

Concession #4 - No Unemployed

I have nothing against the unemployed, in fact many of my friends are unemployed, but I do not have the time to entertain someone unemployed.  I tried this for a New York second and it didn't work.  I would come home at 10pm and they would be ready to go.  Let me be very transparent about something, if I get up, go to work, and come home after a 16 hour day,  I don't want to go out and party.  I may (sometimes) but not all of the time.  Unless you are an unemployed person who is extremely good at keeping busy, please don't use my as your source of entertainment... (ahem... no clingers).

Concession #5 - Must love dogs

And not in the cheesy movie way.  I enjoy walking my dog and going to the dog park.  If a guy minds getting a little dirty while hiking or running around in the dog park, this will not work out.  Generally this means... no mismatched plaid shorts then men like to wear in Georgetown.  If you wear a popped collar on a pink shirt, you're just inviting Rockne to pee on you. 

Mission: Because I've been harassed many times, I'm willing to consider dating (given that my reasons are addressed and concessions met).


Rosey said...

HA! This better NOT be dedicated to me - you know I'm actually supportive of you not dating. I don't think you should count it out completely (in the worst case, a bad date is a good story) but it shouldn't be your main focus. Not to mention, you have plenty of time to figure that out when you're not doing school/work.

Anyway, and if you do find a good guy who meets all your rules, somehow he'll fit in your life and help you keep your balance and help you NOT fail, and help poor Rockne get some lovin. Until then, no use in forcing it.

telisa said...

i think when the right guy shows up you'll be happy to date him.. while i can see some advantages of "dating just to date" if you don't have time or don't want to then whats the point? personally i'm over "dating just to date" i have enough friends and if this isn't going anywhere don't waste my time cuz i dont have much (and you have significantly less than i do). tell people to mind their own business. :)

Amy O'Connor said...

You guys crack me up! Telisa can attest to the guys in DC... very interesting... (We can't all live next to the love of our life in college:-*). I guess I am not used to people from the East Coast. The only "normal" ones I meet are from the Midwest to Arizona / Utah / Nevada area. The good news is... kickball is starting up soon... and then the stories become legendary!