Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Lesson Learned - Wine Glasses

Do you remember the song that went something like this... "Always wear sunscreen"?  Well this is how I feel about using stemless wineglasses... It is a must. 

In the spirit of these lyrics, I offer the following advise... (after writing this, I felt like an alcoholic; I promise I am not, I was just trying to stick with a wine theme).

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99: Use Stemless Wine Glasses

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, stemless wine glasses would be it. The long-term benefits of stemless glasses have been proved by hipsters alike, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of being able to open a bottle of wine for no reason. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of this until you have kids running around and you need the wine to make it through the day.

But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of your apartment and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much you save on not cleaning up spilled red wine. 

You are as drunk as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to open a screw top wine bottle with a bottle opener. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday, when you couldn't hold out until the 5 o'clock hour.

Do one thing every day that scares you.


Don't be reckless with other people's glasses. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.


Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with your latest bottle of red wine. Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. The more wine you drink, the easier this is to do...

Keep your old corks. Throw away your receipt.


Don't feel guilty if you only have stemmed wine glasses. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 that stemless wine glasses will save you from spills. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of tannins.

Be kind to your friends. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll serve rose wine on your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't drink by yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half baked. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your stemless wine glasses. Use them every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own (stemmed glasses are only for special guests).


But trust me on the glasses.

Don't judge me for this post because I have already judged myself enough.  I was snowed in for a week, it was a Friday night, I had cabin fever, I was drinking cheap wine, I couldn't go outside because it was total anarchy on the streets (crazy drivers)... Enough said.

Just embrace it!

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