Saturday, February 13, 2010

Confirmed: DC Drivers are Idiots

Suprise Suprise!!! DC got 40 inches of snow in the past week and the roads are bad!!! Shocker! Well, shocker to some people but not to me. 

I can scientifically confirm that DC drivers are idiots, rude, and should all have their cars taken away.  In my humble opinion. My test... watching over 30 cars get stuck outside my condo last night (I stopped counting because t was pathetic).  Here is what I observed:

  • 3 plow trucks - stuck
  • 3 guys on dates with bimbo's - stuck (I'm not being rude, but these ladies sat in the car why the guy tried to dig out, they didn't offer to steer or anything... hence bimbo is the most appropriate word I could come up with... I had a few choice ones, but I was being generous ad judging).
  • 10 cars with rear wheel drive... seriously don't you know to put sand or something in your car.
  • 2 Toyota Prius's
  • 7 generic sedans
  • and I don't remember the rest.  I started drinking some wine and stopped counting at some point.

You may ask... why were you being so judgemental?  I have many many many reasons:
  1. There is this girl outside (waiting in traffic 3 cars back) that is screaming to hurry up.  She has been sreaming for a while.  I am tempted to have Rockne go pee on her car.
  2. A cab was suck with 5 people crammed inside... not one person was decent enough to go help the driver.
  3. Bimbo's waiting in  heated car ad me getting evil glances why I wasn't helping as I was walking my dog.
  4. People stepping on the accelerator over and over and over again.  I keep hearing the sound of spinnng tires and it is annoying.
  5. I'm from the midwest and I feel guilty everytime I hear someone get stuck and I don't go out to help (but I am not graceful and it is cold out).
  6. Cars spinning out of control and ramming into parked cars.
  7. DC drivers don't know how to drive in snow... this requires several sub bullets: (1) when turning they stop, lose momentum and get stuck in the slush, (2) they turn the wheels back and forth slamming on the accelerator trying to get out.  Instead of getting out, they dig holes in the ground and it takes even longer. (3) DCers have a serious case of cabin fever and take priority in getting out, not in being safe (hence my cancelled plans for this evening). (4) again I mention the bimbo's
Sorry for the complaining, it was a long night of listening to people yell, spinnng tires and honking horns.  Plus, after the metro derailment today, I was not goingto take public transportation out.

Lesson Learned: DC Drivers are really the worst and we shoud all be praying for a heat wave.

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